barbara walters just said penis...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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