Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
