So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
