The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Naked Twister starts at high noon
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
