Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
