i was born a porn star she said
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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