We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
