I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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