Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
