I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
