Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
