he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
