Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
