Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
