How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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