Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
