Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize