Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I want her autograph on my taint
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
