walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
