Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
