So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i was born a porn star she said
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
