Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
