found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
