It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
