he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
