im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
