I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Randomize
