I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize