shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
