I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
