i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
