Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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