She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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