I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize