i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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