you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
