So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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