I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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