Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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