She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
