Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
