you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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