final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
