Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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