I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We are all done wearing pants today
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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