how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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