yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
