This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
