I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We got so high we made milksteak
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
