My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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