I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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