At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Well I just put wine in my tea
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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