I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
