have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
