My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
