turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Randomize
