Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
