i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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