remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
