can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
