There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
