I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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