Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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