I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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