He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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