I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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