Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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